Fear, Parenting, and the Permission to Be Me

What God Gave Me Instead of Parenting Advice

I want to confess a fear that often creeps into my mind.

It’s the fear that I might ruin one of my kids.

I know I’m not alone in this, which is why I wanted to share this freeing conversation I had with God.

What stands out to me is that I didn’t ask what to do or not do. I didn’t ask for answers or instructions. I simply confessed how I was feeling—that I didn’t feel good about the way I was showing up in my relationship with her.

What I received wasn’t a list of changes to make. It wasn’t a reprimand, judgment, or even disappointment. The relief came immediately, in the very first sentence.

This is the conversation exactly as it came through.

Me: I’m afraid that I yell at her too much. I have a lot of fears that I push her too hard, that I don’t push her enough and instead of turning to you I yell or I apologize or I give in or I fight too hard. I’m afraid that she won’t love herself because of my own frustrations with her. That she will believe false things about herself because of me.

God: Dear child she will. She will and that is part of life. It is a byproduct of being in families. You just need to remember that I have her. Just like I had and have you. She might believe false things about herself and I will take the burden of it. She has me.

Me: What is the lie behind this?

God: That you are a bad parent. That your actions mean more than they do. Be authentic. Fearlessly authentic. That is what you need to teach her. It is powerful to be fully you. Empowering. Sometimes when you get frustrated with her, it is because you are not being fully authentic with yourself. In your own actions, beliefs, emotions. Stop looking to others to get an idea of how you should be. Show up. Live. Parent. You do you. I will support you with the lessons that will teach you and nurture you into what you want to become with love. Not reprimand. Not scolding. 100% love. Compassion. Support. Empowerment.

As I heard and wrote that first sentence, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. It was as if God was telling me it was okay—that all children get a little messed up by their parents, and that she would not be ruined by me.

That relief allowed me to breathe more easily. My body softened. Everything that followed felt like reassurance—deep, powerful assurance that God has her.

It also gave me permission to be me, rather than trying to be who I thought she needed me to be. I realized how much energy I had been spending guessing, assuming, and adjusting myself in ways that weren’t actually authentic. I didn’t have to control her outcome. That was a responsibility that was never mine to carry.

What fascinates me most is how love replaced fear in such a quiet but profound way. Love for me. Compassion for the mom I am—one who means well, and sometimes still feels inadequate. And permission to let God nurture me.

As I allow myself to receive that nurture, I feel more empowered to show up as my authentic self. That is all I can do. And it is enough.

To the other parents who yell, apologize, and overthink—maybe this isn’t about getting it right. Maybe the lesson is about being fully you, and learning to love that person too.